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Actual School Excuse Notes
These are excuse
notes from parents (with their original spelling) collected by schools from all over the country:
1) My son is under
a doctor's care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him.
2) Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was
sick and I had her shot.
3) Dear School: Please exscuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29,30, 31, 32, and also 33.
4) Please excuse Gloria from Jim today. She is administrating.
5) Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few
days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.
6) John has been absent because he had two teeth taken
out of his face.
7) Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part.
8) Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins.
9) Chris will not
be in school cus he has an acre in his side.
10) Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels.
11)
Please excuse Pedro from being absent yesterday. He had (diahre) (dyrea) (direathe) the runs. [words in ()'s were crossed
out.]
12) Please excuse Burma, she has been sick and under the doctor.
13) Irving was absent yesterday because
he missed his bust.
14) Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his father's fault.
15) I kept Billie home because
she had to go Christmas shopping because I don't know what size she wears.
16) Please excuse Jennifer for missing
school yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday.
17) Sally won't be in school a week from Friday. We have to attend her funeral.
18) My daughter was absent
yesterday because she was tired. She spent a weekend with the Marines.
19) Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday.
He had a cold and could not breed well.
20) Please excuse Mary for being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.
21) Maryann was absent December 11-16, because she had a fever, sore throat, headache and upset stomach. Her sister
was also sick, fever and sore throat, her brother had a low grade fever and ached all over. I wasn't the best either, sore
throat and fever. There must be something going around, her father even got hot last night.
22) Please excuse little
Jimmy for not being in school yesterday. His father is gone and I could not get him ready because I was in bed with the doctor.
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In Sunday School, they were teaching how God
created everything, including human beings. Little Johnny seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was created
out of one of Adam's ribs.
Later in the week, his mother noticed him lying down as though he were ill, and said, "Johnny
what is the matter?"
Little Johnny responded, "I have a pain in my side. I think I'm going to have a wife."
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TOP 14 THINGS PMS STANDS FOR ......
14) Pass My Shotgun
13) Psychotic Mood Shift
12) Perpetual
Munching Spree
11) Puffy Mid-Section
10) People Make Me Sick
9) Provide Me with Sweets
8)
Pardon My Sobbing
7) Pimples May Surface
6) Pass My Sweatpants
5) Pissy Mood Syndrome
4) Plainly
... Men Suck
3) Pack My Stuff
2) Permanent Menstrual Syndrome
And the number (1) is ...
Q:
How many women with PMS does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One. Only ONE! And do you know WHY? Because no one
else in
this damn house knows HOW to change a light bulb! They don't even care
that
the stupid bulb is BURNED
OUT! They would sit in the dark for DAYS
before
they figured it out.
And, once they figured it out, they wouldn't
be able to FIND the light
bulbs despite
the fact they've been in the SAME CUPBOARD for the past17 YEARS!
But
if they did, by some miracle, actually find them 2 DAYS LATER, the
chair they dragged to stand on
to change the STUPID
light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT! AND
UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE WRAPPER
THE STUPID DAMN BULBS CAME IN!
WHY?
BECAUSE NO ONE EVER CARRIES OUT THE STUPID GARBAGE!
IT'S A WONDER WE HAVEN'T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES
OF GARBAGE THAT
ARE 12 FEET DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE! IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO
CLEAN THIS STUPID HOUSE!
I'm
sorry ... what did you ask me?
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